10. It Fosters Undesirable, Destructive Behavior
Just like the toddler who utilizes his newfound agility to reach the cookie jar or purposely gets into the off-limits closet to get your attention, so will an older child or teen. However, their attempts to get your attention may involve more dangerous feats. In a recent study published in Pediatric Research, Brandon McDaniel, assistant professor in Human Development and Family Science at Illinois State University who coined the phrase “technoference” in 2012, found that the more absorbed by technology a parent was, the more kids acted out. This, in turn, stressed the parents and made them turn to their devices to calm down, perpetuating the cycle. Sadly, some kids go to destructive extremes to get parents to really notice them and what’s going on inside their troubled hearts. By this time they’re not even sure how to identify their own emotions or what they want. McDaniel goes on to say “We are allowing tech to interfere with our relationships, and that feeds back into how our children are doing.”
Dennis-Tiwary reminds parents that one-on-one time is disappearing, instead spent browsing the internet in mesmerized awe and teaching our children to do the same. It’s how they learn to handle boredom and negative feelings. They disconnect with the world. The practice they need interacting face-to-face in a meaningful way is dwindling. They’re no longer learning how to deal with the ups and downs of life in healthy, productive ways.
We can all do better than this. The experts advise parents to set aside time without technology to tune into their children and give them their undivided attention. How else can they sense if children want to talk to them or know if something is bothering them? How else can they make their children feel more valuable than a fancy piece of plastic and glass? Followers’ feeds, emails, and texts are better tended to when kids are sleeping or in school. There are apps such as Moment, Mute, RealizD, and Screen Time to help parents track their digital usage much the way you would track your eating habits to help manage them. If you have to use technology when the kids are around, try to involve them in what you’re doing. Whether it’s looking up a recipe for dinner, editing pictures, or meditating, it can be a shared activity, and the kids will love to be included and helpful. It’s hard for them to feel a part of something when they have no idea what’s taking your attention away from them.
In this hyper-connected world we live in, it’s hard to spend less time on our high-tech gadgets when they call to us incessantly. However, children learn rules, values, communication skills, social norms, bonding and worthiness of themselves primarily from their parents. The time your children spend with you, live with you, want to be with you is less than you might imagine when you compare it to a whole lifetime. They look up to you, love you and need you to show the way, to guide them with love and support, shared time and fun. It’s a full-time job but the most rewarding when you give it a chance. Aren’t the memories you build and the closeness you foster worth far more than the scrolling of your fingertips along the latest trending stories that will always be there—unchanged and unshaped by you?
